Someone I care about
Being there for someone who is grieving
A practical workshop about communicating, staying connected and being alongside someone after a bereavement.
Most of us will eventually find ourselves wanting to support somebody who is grieving, and yet very few of us are taught what that actually looks like.
We worry about saying the wrong thing. We don't know whether to mention the person who died. We offer “let me know if you need anything” and aren't sure what to do when nothing is requested. Messages go unanswered and we wonder whether we should stop sending them. Time passes and it becomes increasingly difficult to know whether we're supposed to keep asking about the loss.
Sometimes both people are trying to protect each other. The supporter thinks, “I don't want to intrude,” while the grieving person experiences rejection and abandonment at their time of need.
This workshop explores what can happen on both sides of that relationship.
We'll look at what grief can actually be like and some of the many things that can influence somebody's experience of it, including their relationship with the person who died, circumstances of the death, previous losses, family relationships, culture, beliefs, identity and the support available around them. This gives us a starting point for understanding why there isn't a single correct way to support somebody who is grieving.
We'll also explore why relationships sometimes change after a death and the assumptions that can develop on both sides. We'll look at what people commonly say to grieving people, including some of the things that are intended kindly but can land very differently, and the nuance of why the same words might be welcomed by one person and disliked by another.
A large part of the workshop is about communication and confidence: how to start a conversation when you don't know what to say, how to listen when there isn't anything you can fix, how to respond to emotion, how to ask questions without interrogating, and how to acknowledge the person who died rather than avoiding their name because you're frightened of causing upset.
We'll explore practical support too: the difference between “let me know if you need anything” and making a specific offer, how to stay in contact without requiring a response, what to do when invitations are repeatedly declined, and how to keep the door open without placing pressure on somebody to walk through it.
And we'll look beyond the first few weeks and months. Support often arrives in abundance immediately after a death and then gradually disappears. We'll consider anniversaries, birthdays, ordinary reminders, continuing to invite somebody into things, remembering the person who died, and what staying connected over time can look like.
The aim is to become more comfortable and confident in being alongside grief, including when you don't know what to say and can't make what has happened any better, whilst recognising that you have your own needs and boundaries too.
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